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June 28, 2012

Short Note to Show I'm Alive

I'm loving married life! Despite some boxes that haven't been unpacked yet, I am fully embracing it! I have cooked everyday with all my new kitchen accessories and created works of art. Ask Aaron if you don't believe me! I must have a little Italian lady living inside of me because almost everything has a little bit of Italian zest. We have feverishly been looking for jobs and I'm trying not to not get discouraged. I was supposed to have an interview with Enterprise for a position but I haven't heard back. I have been leaning on God throughout this whole process but it's starting to wear on me. Prayers/ job offers would be appreciated.

June 8, 2012

What Did You Call Me?

A boy gave a girl thirteen roses, twelve were real, one was fake, then the boy said to the girl, “I will love you until the last rose dies.” This is a love quote that I have constantly run into over the internet. I read it again last night and it inspired me to look up more stupid love quotes. Before I begin, let me explain why this is a stupid love quote. The boy says he will love the girl until the last rose dies and it is supposed to be sweet because the thirteenth rose is fake and therefore cannot die. But if a rose is not a real rose, then isn’t he saying that he is going to love the girl for about as long as the roses last? Which is about a week. I have gone to lovequotes.com where people can submit their own love quotes. I have compiled a list of what I consider to be the “winners” of the group and divided it into four categories: what did you call me?, in need of a hormone chill pill, whaaaaat?, and needs further analysis. I am keeping the punctuation and spelling the same as I found it in the website. What did you call me? *if nothing lasts for ever, will you be my nothing? *you may not be the best, but u are my choice and i love you so *you’re the craziest girl i’ve ever met. i guess that makes me even crazier for loving you the way i do. In need of a hormone chill pill *Every night I go home crying because I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see you again *I give you my heart, pls don’t hurt it, cos if u do, i will die. Whaaaaaat? *its hard to explain what love is but i fell in love because its hard to explain * “i” feel safe in your arms i can’t live without “u” *sex lead to marriage, if really you know what is sex, you feel what is sex *i wish I could say to you how much you mean to me. But since my mouth is chilling when you talk. i will carve this words in my heart and kept it until you wish to see and read it. In need of further analysis *What is love? Is it the blood that rushes to your cheeks when youre around him? is it the feeling that keeps you up at night because you can’t stop thinking of him? no one knows. Is that it? Are those my only two options? It started out kind of sweet. I was really thinking the author was going somewhere. Then she gave up. That is sad, to give up on love at such a young age. *The world could end and I wouldn’t care because I’m here with you. Where are you going to be with your significant other of the week? Another planet? If so, please share with the rest of us so we have somewhere to flee as the world ends. But apparently you don’t care about the rest of the world’s safety. How did you get a lady with a selfish attitude like that? *If loving you is wrong i have to hide from the cops because i am on death row if they ever tell me to stop. Now wait a minute kid. No one said that the punishment for loving someone is death. What kind of life do you live that the consequences are always death? Now, if you are loving something that could kill you, like drugs, than I guess you could say you are on death row. That is a weird way of saying it. I could see why you would hide from the cops so they don’t bust you with the meth, but they wouldn’t put you on death row. Why don’t you hire a lawyer before you get in your next relationship just so you don’t go in all confused. It’s a good thing we have a God who shows us what love is because there are too many people out there who are confused as to what it is.

June 7, 2012

Things to do when bored:

Although I have not had the opportunity to be bored in a long time, I often dream about various activities I could do when I become in that melancholy state of mind. Here is a list of things I could do if ever I get that opportunity: 1. Lay face to face with dog and copy eyebrow movement. Although eyebrows are more noticeable on Rotweilers, you can do this with any dog.* This is a perfect chance for you to try to get to understand your canine. He/she continuously begs for you attention and now you are giving it to him. Your complete, undivided attention. Watch how your dog adverts his/her eyes. Suddenly he/she isn’t as extrovert as he/she claims to be. He cannot make eye contact for very long. Maybe you should analyze this. You did take intro to Psychology. This activity is not good for those who have vicious dogs. You may be without a face at the end of this activity.(note the disclaimer). 2. Take old toothbrush and scrub baseboards and crevices of cabinets. I know this seems like the last thing anyone wants to do, unless you are like me, and like being meticulous when it comes to cleaning. When you start to do this activity, suddenly you will start to think of several other things you would rather be doing than scrubbing unrecognizable gunk off the nooks of your kitchen. Woahoahoah, it’s magic, you know!At that point you are at a crossroads. You could keep working and end up with a fabulously clean kitchen (at least the parts no one notices) or you could put your toothbrush down and start the other activities. 3. Borrow mascot head of alma mater The possible activities you could complete with this are endless as your imagination. I have two options to choose from, if I went my alma mater route. I could either be a crusader or a cowboy. No, I did not pick my university because of the alliteration between the two mascots. Things you can do with the heads of your mascots: stand in various public places, take note of people’s reactions; use it for suggestion #5; rig it so it is the first thing someone sees when they walk in the door; and wear it to rivals’ games (when you are not competing against them)**. 4. Feng Shui I did this a lot when I was younger and had a twin bed. Change is good, but don’t move your furniture to ward off evil spirits. Do it so you can jump from furniture to furniture without stepping on the hot lava that is your living room floor. Make the best fort EVER. Compete in the Olympics with your spouse/ roommate(s). 5. Go to various places around time, cheer people for accomplishing mundane tasks I would suggest doing this with a group of people. It could be taken as sarcasm and sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. Hopefully you can count on the people you bring to “get your back”; otherwise, you might need to get new friends, at least friends you can outrun. 6. Chart the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll pop. This could take all day because you can’t do it with one Tootsie-Roll pop. There are many things to consider when completing this task. You can’t just take five Tootsie-Roll pops at random. You have to pick the number of times you are going to do each color. Right down the number of times, average it out and then compare that with each color you do. Than you have to get other people involved because your saliva could be different than another sugar-scientist. You have to note the temperature of the room, what is playing on T.V., if you are drinking beverages and if not, what kind should you be? I think the owl is wrong. I think the world could and should know. 7. Call Shampoo Company and tell them you are confused about the directions. This isn’t an original thought; I heard it from an Ellen Degeneres stand-up act. Still, I think this can apply to any nonsensical directions or warning labels. 8. Watch infomercials I love infomercials, especially the ones that advertise cleaning products. The best time to watch infomercials are late at night or during the day. Hide your phone because those actors could sell anything. That’s how they got to be on T.V. 9. Organize closet There are many ways you could do this: color, country it was made in, material it was made out of, day of the week you bought it. If you can remember that, you have at some point been cheated off of when taking a test. 10. Call friends over and recreate the following photos: awkwardfamilyphotos.com; peopleofwalmart.com; magazine advertisements 11. Answer questions in yahoo aswers You can be serious and take the time to research and come up with a ridiculously long answer, or you could be sarcastic to the dumb questions. Don’t listen to the teachers who say that there are no dumb questions. 12. Place a mirror under your nose and pretend you are walking on the ceiling. Don’t do this when people are home. Also, I suggest you are confident in the layout of your house or you will end up with bruises. 13. Prepare boxes for various possible emergencies. Bonus points if you do all of them. Yes, all of them, from natural disasters to the Zombie Apocalypse. Although you may live in the center of the USA, you can still plan for a random volcano burst or hurricane. 14. Try to outdo the people in a Guinness Book of World Records You could buy the book, or call and ask what the record is for the number of times someone called to ask about the number of times someone has called to ask about the number of times someone has called. Then call them one plus that many of times. 15. Learn to do impressions on the following characters/people: Homer Simpson, Forest Gump, Bill Cosby, Jerry Seinfeld, Pee Wee Herman, Ace Ventura, Pinky and the Brain (the Brain’s voice formed from a guy impersonating Orson Welles), Austin Powers, Shrek, Borat, and Arnold Schwartzenegger, Donald Trump, and various presidents of the past and future. *Disclaimer: This author does not suggest putting one’s face right next to a Rotweilers. **Disclaimer #2: This author suggests you not do this if you do not like to be tackled/ beat up by a mob.

June 3, 2012

A Stolen Ring, Fear of Spiders, and a Sinister Stranger

I have decided that I would like to blog more; however, I am going to add some creative writing rather than just talk about my life. I am using to get my ideas. Today's challenge is to combine the following elements to make a short story: a stolen ring, fear of spiders, and a sinister stranger. Riley and Noah Shorne are looking at some dusty toys in an antique store while their grandma is talking with the shopowner about a painting for what seems like an eternity to two kids who had just finished the fourth grade. Suddenly the children hear a scream coming from the second floor of the building. Being more adventurous than her brother, Riley starts climbing up the stairs to take a look at whatever caused this woman to panic. Noah is a little more hesitant but feels a man should protect his sister. The twins run to see a woman pointing and staring in horror at the wall. The two pairs of eyes turn to see it is just a spider. Riley tries to hide her snickering as Noah takes his shoe off to kill it. The blushing woman thanks the children and says she knows it is rather silly to be scared of a spider but she has a fear of them, however irrational it may be. She precedes to tell Riley and Noah about a time she woke up and there was a spider on her forehead! She is talking with so much excitement that she flings her hand and accidently hits a stranger that no one noticed before. The man appears to be sinister in nature as he towers over the three. Noah notices the arachnophobic woman stepping back and he does the same. Riley has goosebumps but she stands her ground until Noah pulls on her elbow. The man opened his mouth to reveal a voice that is so deep that it causes Riley's goosebumps to have goosebumps. He laughs holding a bracelet telling the woman to be careful who she hits because she might lose something that is valuable to her. The woman yanks the bracelet from the man and runs off with the children not too far behind her. The siblings are running so fast they almost run into their grandma. As they are apologizing they overhear the shopowner talking on the phone. "Yes, I am at 412 Main Street. I need to report a burglary. A diamond ring. No, this isn't my wedding ring, I- I own an antique shop and this is a very valuable ring. I really don't want to discuss the price over the phone..." Riley and Noah couldn't hear too much more because their grandma started asking them where they wanted to eat. Riley brushed past her grandma, leaving Noah to apologize for her. She told the shop owner about the sinister stranger upstairs. The shop owner listened carefully and then asked her to describe the man. Then she asked if he had a woman with him. Noah walked up and said they were talking with a woman before the man showed up but they didn't seem to know each other. Suddenly, the inhabitants of the shop turn their heads as they hear a loud crash outside. A policeman that has just pulled up to talk to the shopowner drives over to block a car that is trying to drive off after crashing into the Goodwill across the street. The policeman shouts at the couple in the car to come out with their hands up! The people who come out of the car are none other than the sinister stranger and the arachnophobic woman. A week later, a newspaper with the title "Theifing Couple Caught!" reveals the seemingly strangers have been going to antique stores across Texas. The woman creates diversions while the man does the actual taking. They have an extensive knowledge of valuable antiques- jewelry especially. The woman revealed that the last shop they were at, she meant for the shopowner to come "rescue her from a spider" but got "two brats" instead. The man laughed and said that the shopowner was already distracted with an old lady and a painting and that antique stores are really easy to steal from.

June 2, 2012

My Crazy is too Loud

Two weeks away from my wedding and I'm on my period. Sorry if that last bit of information scares you away from reading the rest of this post but this one is going to be brutally honest, I'm afraid. Wedding time is an emotional time. For example, as I was taking bridal portraits, anytime someone mentioned the way I looked I started crying. This week, my body has decided to add a little bit of fun in the mix. As a result, every one of my pet peeves is heightened. Here is a fun little story to show that I am not exactly perfect. We were in Kohls buying *cough cough* honeymoon items and there was a man in the section. Normally this wouldn't bother me but remember, everything annoys me at this point. So not only is there a man, he keeps making mouth noises to his baby. I do not hate babies, just mouth noises. So the whole time I am leafing through the racks I hear the rasberry noises over and over again. Remember, I am just extra sensitive at this point. I get my selections to try on in the dressing room and this guy and his family is blocking the way. Instead of being a normal person and excusing my way through there, I make a point to go all the way around. My mom wanted me to grab one more thing and I said loud enough for the sweet family to hear that I couldn't come and grab it because it took me forever to make it to the dressing room. Oh I am classy! They move their cart out of my way and I sheepishly walk by because I have my normal person in my head screaming at me to calm down but I can't hear her because my crazy is too loud. Okay, now I'm in the dressing room and there is this incessant beeping noise in the background. I try on my first garment and I immediately start crying. Who the heck actually looks good in these things? The whole point is for them to not be forgiving and that is exactly what's happening. I'm working on trying on all of these clothes, trying to look at them as if I wasn't on my period and the beeping noise is still in the background. My mom comes in the dressing room area and asks if they are fitting and all I can say is that the beeping noise is driving me crazy, trying to cover up the fact that I am crying irrationally. Thankfully she was polite enough not to say anything. Long story short, I did not end up with anything. I'm not normally like this. It's definitely a combination of things. Please still talk to me after reading this blog.

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