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June 7, 2012

Things to do when bored:

Although I have not had the opportunity to be bored in a long time, I often dream about various activities I could do when I become in that melancholy state of mind. Here is a list of things I could do if ever I get that opportunity: 1. Lay face to face with dog and copy eyebrow movement. Although eyebrows are more noticeable on Rotweilers, you can do this with any dog.* This is a perfect chance for you to try to get to understand your canine. He/she continuously begs for you attention and now you are giving it to him. Your complete, undivided attention. Watch how your dog adverts his/her eyes. Suddenly he/she isn’t as extrovert as he/she claims to be. He cannot make eye contact for very long. Maybe you should analyze this. You did take intro to Psychology. This activity is not good for those who have vicious dogs. You may be without a face at the end of this activity.(note the disclaimer). 2. Take old toothbrush and scrub baseboards and crevices of cabinets. I know this seems like the last thing anyone wants to do, unless you are like me, and like being meticulous when it comes to cleaning. When you start to do this activity, suddenly you will start to think of several other things you would rather be doing than scrubbing unrecognizable gunk off the nooks of your kitchen. Woahoahoah, it’s magic, you know!At that point you are at a crossroads. You could keep working and end up with a fabulously clean kitchen (at least the parts no one notices) or you could put your toothbrush down and start the other activities. 3. Borrow mascot head of alma mater The possible activities you could complete with this are endless as your imagination. I have two options to choose from, if I went my alma mater route. I could either be a crusader or a cowboy. No, I did not pick my university because of the alliteration between the two mascots. Things you can do with the heads of your mascots: stand in various public places, take note of people’s reactions; use it for suggestion #5; rig it so it is the first thing someone sees when they walk in the door; and wear it to rivals’ games (when you are not competing against them)**. 4. Feng Shui I did this a lot when I was younger and had a twin bed. Change is good, but don’t move your furniture to ward off evil spirits. Do it so you can jump from furniture to furniture without stepping on the hot lava that is your living room floor. Make the best fort EVER. Compete in the Olympics with your spouse/ roommate(s). 5. Go to various places around time, cheer people for accomplishing mundane tasks I would suggest doing this with a group of people. It could be taken as sarcasm and sometimes that can rub people the wrong way. Hopefully you can count on the people you bring to “get your back”; otherwise, you might need to get new friends, at least friends you can outrun. 6. Chart the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Roll pop. This could take all day because you can’t do it with one Tootsie-Roll pop. There are many things to consider when completing this task. You can’t just take five Tootsie-Roll pops at random. You have to pick the number of times you are going to do each color. Right down the number of times, average it out and then compare that with each color you do. Than you have to get other people involved because your saliva could be different than another sugar-scientist. You have to note the temperature of the room, what is playing on T.V., if you are drinking beverages and if not, what kind should you be? I think the owl is wrong. I think the world could and should know. 7. Call Shampoo Company and tell them you are confused about the directions. This isn’t an original thought; I heard it from an Ellen Degeneres stand-up act. Still, I think this can apply to any nonsensical directions or warning labels. 8. Watch infomercials I love infomercials, especially the ones that advertise cleaning products. The best time to watch infomercials are late at night or during the day. Hide your phone because those actors could sell anything. That’s how they got to be on T.V. 9. Organize closet There are many ways you could do this: color, country it was made in, material it was made out of, day of the week you bought it. If you can remember that, you have at some point been cheated off of when taking a test. 10. Call friends over and recreate the following photos: awkwardfamilyphotos.com; peopleofwalmart.com; magazine advertisements 11. Answer questions in yahoo aswers You can be serious and take the time to research and come up with a ridiculously long answer, or you could be sarcastic to the dumb questions. Don’t listen to the teachers who say that there are no dumb questions. 12. Place a mirror under your nose and pretend you are walking on the ceiling. Don’t do this when people are home. Also, I suggest you are confident in the layout of your house or you will end up with bruises. 13. Prepare boxes for various possible emergencies. Bonus points if you do all of them. Yes, all of them, from natural disasters to the Zombie Apocalypse. Although you may live in the center of the USA, you can still plan for a random volcano burst or hurricane. 14. Try to outdo the people in a Guinness Book of World Records You could buy the book, or call and ask what the record is for the number of times someone called to ask about the number of times someone has called to ask about the number of times someone has called. Then call them one plus that many of times. 15. Learn to do impressions on the following characters/people: Homer Simpson, Forest Gump, Bill Cosby, Jerry Seinfeld, Pee Wee Herman, Ace Ventura, Pinky and the Brain (the Brain’s voice formed from a guy impersonating Orson Welles), Austin Powers, Shrek, Borat, and Arnold Schwartzenegger, Donald Trump, and various presidents of the past and future. *Disclaimer: This author does not suggest putting one’s face right next to a Rotweilers. **Disclaimer #2: This author suggests you not do this if you do not like to be tackled/ beat up by a mob.

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