Not so Fun

Is anyone else at the point where they have breakdowns all the time? Here I am, Senior year of college and I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. There, I said it. And I am scared to publish this. I have told people that I am uneasy with the idea of teaching. But if you know me, I have always wanted to be a teacher.

I feel like I am lying everytime I talk about being a teacher in class. I used to get so excited when we watched videos of classrooms. Now I dread the idea of molding 22 minds everyday. Maybe I am just overwhelmed by school. I have been doing non stop school since I started.

I know that God is in control but right now I just feel so helpless. I have been so sure of what I wanted to do since I could remember. I would graduate from college, get married, and become a teacher. Well I am so excited about two out of the three, but I don't want just an MRS degree.

I know God has a plan for all of this. I know He is going to provide for me. He has never let me down before. Maybe I will get my excitement for teaching back once I student teach. Maybe I won't. I wish I could say "Oh well, God will provide something" and start whistling along the path.

This blog isn't about getting attention. In fact I wouldn't really care if anyone read this one. I just needed to say it out loud. Honestly I am just terrified for life outside of school. I am a really good student. Now I won't be a student anymore?

Aaron keeps telling me that my identity is not about what job I have. I am trying really hard to accept that fact.

As a Christian, I understand that my identity is in Christ. It is just really hard to fully accept that.

I just wish this feeling of uneasiness will go away.