Crazy Cat Lady

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Okay, I'm going to be honest. Not that I haven't been in the past. My point is that I have embarrassed myself enough with the blog that I might as well not hold anything back. I picked this one because there is no base coat. Not that that is the root as to why I am just terrible at nails, but this definitely helps.

Here are the supplies. Do you notice the Dr. Pepper in the back? Definitely a necessity. Since I have been vulnerable in the blog, I am just going keep it going by saying that I am too dependent on caffeine and I am not willing to stop.

A cotton-swab is my weapon of choice because the brush on the black nail-polish is significantly smaller than that on the white. I don't want it too look like I favor only one of my cats by not feeding the other.

Anyway, here is a blurry picture of how I put one dot on top of the other the way the directions told me.

 

Added ears with a toothpick and made it look like a mouse with a weird tail. Erased the tail and..

Better. Hey... Kind of looks like the picture! 

Draw the white cat the same way and put dots for paws. And the white one looks like it is bleeding. And my skin looks super dry (it's glue).

Clean up the paw. Get lazy taking the glue off and call it a day.

I am not going to lie. I am pretty proud of how this turned out. If I wasn't so lazy and finished cleaning up around it, it would look a lot like the picture. Of course I do well on something involving cats. I've always been told I have the personality of a crazy cat lady.

I wanted to show how messy my hands were afterward. I included this picture to explain how I got this shot. Aaron wasn't home so I had to hang my phone off a TV tray, pose so my legs and feet wouldn't be in the shot, and take the picture with my nose. That was too much effort to not be put in this post.

Here Comes the Bride, All Fat and Wide

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Today's nails are inspired by The Bachelor. It has been a fun tradition to hang out with all my teacher friends while watching a terrible TV show and eating too much food. 

Well, here is my attempt at these nails:

Ugh, white nail polish is so hard. Looks like I used white-out. Five attempts and I gave up and ended up with this. Starting off with not a very good first impression.

Next, I used a toothpick to outline the design.

Okay, not too bad so far...

Ugh, my poor bride is a mess. She gets worse...

Well, here they are together. Groom is obviously out of the bride's league. He is still a mess, though. 

They are going to try to make it work, though.

Okay, this post got weird. I think I am going to do a total of ten design attempts. Is this the fourth one? 

Long way to go for someone who is awful at staying in the lines. 

Polk-a-not

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http://pinterest.com/pin/AWRvLm0d8TAGqxw5omJVypub1x3caC9dB1iorPhWvfL5uAG7sqdtcKY/

Okay. This pin looks so easy, even I can't mess it up. Oh wait. I said that yesterday.

Here are all of the supplies needed (plus a toothpick and a needle). Back in my day, all we needed to paint our nails was a pair of pliers.

I love the glue trick. It is a training wheel I am never willing to give up.

Also, my nails are gross. And I look like I have thumbs for fingers. One can get really self-conscious with close-ups.

 Paint your nails and let them dry. Love this color! It's called "Gorgeous J."

You are supposed to use the pores of the band-aid to create Polk-a-dots. I tried sticking a toothpick through each hole to make sure the polish would go through.

Paint another color on top. I did two coats and let it dry. 

Didn't work. Surprise, surprise.

Okay, try again. I painted my nails, again, and let them dry longer.

This time I tried a needle to poke through the holes and...

Didn't work even more...

Painted my nails a third time, this time, I put the paint onto a toothpick a put it directly into each hole and...

 Nope.

Definitely didn't work. All I got out of this is that glue is awesome. And, I have thumb-fingers.

Uncomfortable

http://pinterest.com/pin/203787951859903269/

I love the texture of these nails! Yesterday's nails (which seemed harder) turned out alright, so these seem possible, right?

 

You're supposed to paint one coat and then another coat on top of that. My plan was to do three coats to make this quilt appear fluffier. Unfortunately, I didn't wait long enough. Take two!

Use floss to make straight lines. 

Oh, this is just lovely. Take three, this time with a toothpick.

Why can't I have the fine motor skills of a lady? Is there some class I missed that taught you to do this all of this? 

This is disgusting. Seriously looks like I took my fingernail off and I am looking at the skin underneath...

I learned how to talk like a lady at the same finishing school that taught me how to paint my nails. 

The toothpick didn't take paint off with it. But it was harder to keep it straight. Also, I tried to fix it by adding white dots.

Nope.

Feeling Groovy

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I first saw this post on YouTube (one of my favorite pastimes) and I thought it definitely would be too hard to try. I have not painted my fingernails since middle school. I think I just gave up. My left hand always turned out better than the other and it wouldn't last more than a couple of days. 

'Tis the season to test pins out so I am going to do a series within a series. Possible names that were narrowed down for this series sandwich are as follows: Pinailterest, Pin the Nail on the Interest, Pinterpaint, Finger Paint, I Am terrible At All Things Related to Beauty and I Should Be Ashamed That My Very Straight Mechanic Brother is a lot Better At Fashion and Painting Nails than I am, or Nailed it.

Here is what I am tempting today:

Okay, this one requires a bowl of water, various colors of nail polish, nail polish remover, and Elmers glue.

No, my finger is not growing a beard. Putting glue around your finger is supposed to make it easier to clean up afterward. Another suggestion is tape.

Let a drop from your first color spread.

Make a mess and drop the lid into the water. It looked like the brush tried to take my thumb down with it.

Start again... And only the red spreads

Turns out, my fast dry spread well, the other colors formed a ball.

Nope. Looks like a scary skin disease. One more time...

I made it work. Put the fast dry polish down, put dots of the other polish on top, take a toothpick,mix, and...

Stick your finger in parallel to the ground. See kids, it is important to know the difference between parallel and perpendicular.

Looks scary now, but trust me, I meant to do that.

 I painted the right finger white first and as you can see, it comes out a lot lighter.

Peel your first layer of skin off, your epidermis if you will, and clean the rest with nail polish remover and a cotton swab.

And voila! The right one suffered an unfortunate collision with a TV tray.

I'd say that it turned out pretty well. It exceeded my expectations. Maybe a topcoat would make it look smoother. I thought it was going to turn out something like this:

Oh! You Pretty Thing!

I made a promise to myself that it would be a really long time until I tried another pin from Pinterest that had anything to do with hair or makeup.

Well, I'm a liar.

http://pinterest.com/pin/252764597812267138/

This pin says you can get rid of dark circles using red lipstick.

Obligatory before picture

Okay... Definitely can't see dark circles in this picture...  But I swear I have them

You're supposed to put red lipstick on your dark circles. The opposing colors are supposed to neutralize each other. I tried a red lip crayon and a pink lipstick. Don't I just look glamorous...

By the way, this is Aaron's face when he walked on me doing this. One must sacrifice her dignity when blogging.

After you put lipstick on, you put your regular concealer over it.

Well, after put layers upon layers  on, this is the result. In the picture , the pink side looks way better, but in real life it looks like I put layer upon layer of concealer on top of lipstick.

I'm not saying this doesn't work, officially. I probably don't have the right products. I used BB Cream instead of concealer, so that is more than likely why it didn't work. And maybe I am just doomed to be terrible with makeup. I really don't think the purpose of makeup is to make one look sicker than pre application.  

By the way... still working on getting lipstick off my skin. No one better ask if I'm not feeling well at work tomorrow...

No Spit Left Behind

My sister in-law got everyone awesome Christmas gifts this year. 23andme.com is a company that analyzes DNA to reveal clues about your ancestry. I assumed Aaron's would be the same as his sister's because they come from the same parents. I was wrong. I'm guessing this has to do with what chromosomes hide... Or something... Don't tell anyone I teach science..

Anyway Aaron's basic information came back and surprise surprise, he is mainly scotch/Irish with a tiny bit of German/French.

My spit is very shy and they have to work a little harder to get any information out of it. Of course, make the adopted kid wait. I'm really curious to see what I am made out of. I have a pretty good idea with my mother's side but no idea who my father even is. 

So stay tuned. I might only be half human and that is probably why they are struggling. 

I feel like the kid who can't color in a bubble sheet properly for a standardized test. No spit left behind.